Humans

Humans.

Millions of two-eyed, one nosed humans. All so similar, yet so different.  And that day when she watched a funeral procession passing by from atop the building where she stays, she could have sworn they looked all the same.

But they came in different shades, different sizes and with different haircuts, she found. But what she didn’t know yet, was that they came with different minds. Different:  one from another, another from another. Some beautiful, some twisted and distorted by hate.

All imperfect, and all desperately searching for perfection. Perfection in their looks, in the way they speak, in their bank balances, in the size of their houses, in this and in that.

She was so confused. Why were they concerned about everybody and everything else apart from themselves? Where will they go, she wondered, all these souls? They could tell what time it was on the other side of the globe, but couldn’t answer when it came to describing what they really were inside.  What was she? Who was she?

A soul, a human.  Luckily yet unluckily, a human.

 They assigned roles to everybody in the society, they labelled everybody and she hated it. She hated the fact that a girl is supposed to behave like a ‘girl’, only because they thought girls behave in a certain way. She hated it.

You can count how many people there are in this world, but you will never be able to tell how many individuals there really are. A person is made of so many layers, wears so many masks, feels so many emotions.  She swore she could never trust anybody ever in her life. And when the days were gloomy she couldn’t help but wonder what she really was made of, how many demons and how many angels she held inside her. She sometimes even dared to think about the impossible aspect of one day maybe finding love, of knowing what it means to love another soul, to care about someone else for once. What did life hold in its clutches? Will she be just another mortal who will wither away into nothing? That’ll be sad, she thought. She wanted people to remember her name, to remember what she was as a person and as a human being.

Oh the complications of being a human!

‘You become what you really want to become’, her father once looked her in the eye and told her.

And she knew that the days will never be the same again. Suddenly she understood and it was all so clear.  She could become anything, she could do whatever she wanted. She just had to decide.

And she wished everybody else knew this too, that they could become anything.

Because they were humans and they were alive. 

December thoughts on love

After endless episode after episode of How I met your mother, fighting the urge to throw a brick on the people I share a room with, too much of ignoring my books and my exams just around the block, I’m still trying to figure out my life.

I was drunk on the idea that living life alone would be so much more fun, so much more exciting. Hell I can do things alone, go shopping alone, fight alone, cry alone. But after a while it all started to seem a little, well, boring. 

I knew I was denying love, every time it popped up with its pretty little head and looked at me through those eyes. God, those eyes. But as much as I thought I’ll never have feelings for another being of our kind, I couldn’t help but fall.

So Cupid is still playing his little hide and seek games with me. I keep fighting this urge to completely give myself in, yet every time I end up slowly and deliciously and painfully finding myself getting attached.

I’m at a loss for words when it comes to speaking, or making small talks. Most people find me boring, or maybe they think I’m moody. I am moody, in fact, but it doesn’t mean I hate people’s company. Well, I’ll give anything  not to be alone. I love company, I love people. And though I’ll keep denying it for as long as I can, deep down, whenever I say, ‘I don’t need anyone!’, that’s when I’m the most vulnerable.

I’m a girl, that too a Piscean girl. I’m moody, difficult to manage, vulnerable and dreamy.

 I’m a mess.

And at this point in my life, I’ve come to realise, all we need is love. And all we ever needed was love.

Cold December nights will be just an excuse to cuddle up if we are together. Rainy days will be just an excuse to get drenched. Love makes difficult things seem prettier, if not easier.

So maybe now I understand why humans are social animals. What use is money if we need someone to hold? 

In the end, love will keep us alive.